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Crescent Dragonwagon

FIFTY SHADES OF GRIEF, IN OCTOBER

FIFTY SHADES OF GRIEF, IN OCTOBER

By Crescent Dragonwagon 16 Comments

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HALLOWEEN. IF YOU’VE LOST SOMEONE TO SUICIDE OR VIOLENCE, THIS TIME OF YEAR YOU CAN EXPECT TRIGGERS EVERYWHERE. WIDOWHOOD IS NOT STATIC. IT KEEPS CHANGING, AND IT KEEPS CHANGING US. LIKE THE LEAVES IN FALL (A TIME WHEN GRIEF, ITSELF ZOMBIE-LIKE, RE-EMERGES FOR MANY), WIDOWHOOD HAS AN INFINITE NUMBER OF COLORS. HERE ARE FIFTY OF THEM. 1. I take a… Read More

Filed Under: #WidowhoodWednesday, Crescent Dragonwagon, Fearless Living Tagged With: Adam Gopnik, aging parents, cremation, dia de las muertas, does everything happen for a reason, fifty shades, Halloween, halloween suicides, hanging, mortality, suicide, suicide survivors, suicide widow, triggers, widowhood, Widowhood Wednesday

GROWING COMPASSION: SUICIDE, “SUICIDE WIDOWS”  & THE ANTHONY BOURDAIN AFFECT

GROWING COMPASSION: SUICIDE, “SUICIDE WIDOWS” & THE ANTHONY BOURDAIN AFFECT

By Crescent Dragonwagon 7 Comments

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IF YOU’VE LOST A PARTNER TO SUICIDE, EXPECT TO REVISIT THAT PECULIARLY GUILT-TAINTED SORROW EVERY TIME A CELEBRITY EXITS LIFE BY HIS OR HER OWN HAND. MAYBE IT’S TIME TO GROW SOME COMPASSION, ALL AROUND. Anthony Bourdain’s suicide a year ago hit me hard. Perhaps this was partly because Bourdain and I work / worked peripherally in the same field,… Read More

Filed Under: #WidowhoodWednesday, Fearless Living, grief, self-understanding, personal growth, widowhood, writing Tagged With: Anthony Bourdain, cornbread, David R. Koff, grief, suicide, suicide widows, Until Just Moistened

MOTHERLESS MOTHER’S  DAY: THIS HOLIDAY NEEDS DETOXING, NOW

MOTHERLESS MOTHER’S DAY: THIS HOLIDAY NEEDS DETOXING, NOW

By Crescent Dragonwagon 18 Comments

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MOTHER’S DAY, IN ITS INSISTENCE ON SENTIMENT AND BIOLOGY, IS CRUEL TO MANY. AND IT’S REDUCTIVE TO ALL OF US. INCLUDING THOSE OF US WHO STILL HAVE MOTHERS, AND LOVE THEM. INCLUDING THOSE WHO ARE THEMSELVES LOVING, LOVABLE MOTHERS. BUT BEING A MOTHER, AND HAVING A MOTHER , EVEN WHEN IT WORKS BEAUTIFULLY, IS NEVER AS SIMPLE AS A MUG… Read More

Filed Under: Charlotte Zolotow, Fearless Living, grief, Nothing Is Wasted on the Writer, writing Tagged With: Mother's Day, mothering, motherless

THREE MEN I LOVED, STILL LOVE.  TWO OF THEM DEAD, ONE VERY MUCH ALIVE.  THREE POEMS.

THREE MEN I LOVED, STILL LOVE. TWO OF THEM DEAD, ONE VERY MUCH ALIVE. THREE POEMS.

By Crescent Dragonwagon 3 Comments

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IS WRITING A WAY TO KEEP YOUR HEART AND LIFE WIDE OPEN, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO, BECAUSE YOU’RE DEEP IN THE MONOTONOUS PAIN OF GRIEVING? SHOULD YOU? HOW CAN YOU, WHEN THERE IS SO MUCH HURT,  AND SOMETIMES, SO MUCH UGLINESS? YET, ALTHOUGH WHEN DEEP IN GRIEF WE DO NOT EXPERIENCE OR BELIEVE IT, THE OPPOSITE IS ALSO TRUE…. Read More

Filed Under: #WidowhoodWednesday, Fearless Living, grief, self-understanding, personal growth, widowhood, writing, Writing Courses

FREQUENT FLYER MILES ARE AN INHERITABLE ASSET: DID YOU KNOW?

FREQUENT FLYER MILES ARE AN INHERITABLE ASSET: DID YOU KNOW?

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THE AIRLINES DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW IT, BUT IT’S TRUE. AND FLYING ON THE MILES GIVEN TO YOU BY SOMEONE YOU LOVED, WHO HAS HIM- OR HERSELF FLOWN OFF EARTHLY LIFE… WELL, THE JOURNEYS I HAVE TAKEN UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE BEEN DEAR TO ME. HERE’S WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW. This post is unusual for me. It is… Read More

Filed Under: Fearless Living, grief, Maurice Zolotow Tagged With: frequent flyer miles, journeys, Travel

WHY YOU CAN’T “HEAL” WIDOWHOOD GRIEF

WHY YOU CAN’T “HEAL” WIDOWHOOD GRIEF

By Crescent Dragonwagon 33 Comments

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Most of us, before widowhood was thrust upon us, gave little thought to what that state would actually be like.  And when and if we did try to conceive of it, most of us got it wrong. ” … In the version of grief we imagine (before we are widowed),” writes Joan Didion in The Year of Magical Thinking, ”… Read More

Filed Under: #WidowhoodWednesday, Fearless Living Tagged With: compassion towards self and others, death, grief & grieving, widowhood, Widowhood Wednesday

8 ACTUALLY HELPFUL WAYS TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO’S GRIEVING (WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW HOW)

8 ACTUALLY HELPFUL WAYS TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO’S GRIEVING (WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW HOW)

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HERE ARE SOME THINGS YOUR WIDOWED FRIEND WOULD LIKE YOU TO KNOW. SHE’D TELL YOU IF SHE COULD. BUT SHE CAN’T. THAT’S PART OF THE PROBLEM.  1. Please understand that right now your widowed friend is not herself.  Literally not herself. Most of the constructs of self she had have vanished, some temporarily, some permanently. Everything — her role in life,… Read More

Filed Under: #WidowhoodWednesday, Fearless Living, grief, widowhood

TIDINGS OF DISCOMFORT

TIDINGS OF DISCOMFORT

By Crescent Dragonwagon 9 Comments

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Our beloved partner is no longer on earth. And now it’s the holidays. Sometimes other people, not realizing they’re doing it, ask us to dress grief up in party clothes. We may even ask it of ourselves. But we don’t have to do it. In the fall of 2004,  Richard, my friend Kay’s husband and the love of her life,… Read More

Filed Under: #WidowhoodWednesday, Fearless Living, widowhood Tagged With: grief, grieving, holiday depression, holiday grieving, holiday pressure, holidays, widow, widowhood

NOT EVEN SPRING CAN HURRY GRIEF ALONG

NOT EVEN SPRING CAN HURRY GRIEF ALONG

By Crescent Dragonwagon 2 Comments

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WHAT DO WE DO WHEN, IN THIS SEASON OF RENEWAL, LIFE STILL FEELS LIKE A LIFE-SENTENCE? HOW DO WE GRIEVE AT A TIME WHEN EVERYTHING (EXCEPT THE PERSON WE LOVED) SEEMS TO BE COMING BACK TO LIFE? Easter. Passover. Spring. The days lengthen, grow warm. Everything seems to come back to life. Everything, that is, except the one we loved. The… Read More

Filed Under: #WidowhoodWednesday, Fearless Living, grief, widowhood Tagged With: grief and holidays, grief and renewal, grieiving in the spring

PLEASE SAY MY BELOVED’S NAME: HOW AND WHY TO TALK ABOUT THE DECEASED

PLEASE SAY MY BELOVED’S NAME: HOW AND WHY TO TALK ABOUT THE DECEASED

By Crescent Dragonwagon 8 Comments

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DON’T BE AFRAID TO SAY ALOUD THE NAME OF THE DECEASED. DON’T BE AFRAID TO REMEMBER HIM OR HER. ALOUD. WITH US. KNOWING YOU LOVED OUR BELOVED TOO HELPS US. IT EVEN, SOMETIMES, BRINGS HER OR HIM BACK TO LIFE,  JUST A LITTLE. THERE CAN BE NO BIGGER GIFT. In last week’s post, Eight Ways to Help the Widow, I mentioned… Read More

Filed Under: #WidowhoodWednesday, Fearless Living, grief, widowhood Tagged With: #grief #bereavement

DEAR FRIEND OF THE WIDOW:  FOOLPROOF CONSOLATION, EIGHT WAYS TO HELP THE GRIEVING

DEAR FRIEND OF THE WIDOW: FOOLPROOF CONSOLATION, EIGHT WAYS TO HELP THE GRIEVING

By Crescent Dragonwagon 4 Comments

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OUR FRIENDS WANT TO HELP US. THEY DON’T KNOW HOW. WE DON’T KNOW HOW EITHER. BECAUSE WE ARE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT. DEAR WIDOW, I WROTE THIS LETTER FOR YOU TO GIVE YOUR FRIENDS. PART ONE: A LETTER TO THE WIDOW’S FRIENDS Dear Friend of the Widow, You already know this: ___________, the beloved life partner of your… Read More

Filed Under: #WidowhoodWednesday, Fearless Living, grief, self-understanding, personal growth, widowhood Tagged With: condolence, friendship, grief, how to help a widow, sympathy

THE VALENTINES HE DIDN’T KNOW HE SENT

THE VALENTINES HE DIDN’T KNOW HE SENT

By Crescent Dragonwagon 4 Comments

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NOT “FROM THE OTHER WORLD.” NOT “SHE’S SENDING YOU A MESSAGE.” STILL, SOMETIMES SOMETHING YOU DIDN’T FULLY REALIZE YOU HAD BEEN GIVEN MAKES ITSELF KNOWN. Someone must have told me, back in the miasma of grief and unreality that followed Ned’s unexpected death, to call Arkansas Social Security. Told me to ask about “widow’s benefits.” And I did. But I can’t… Read More

Filed Under: #WidowhoodWednesday, Fearless Living, self-understanding, personal growth, widowhood Tagged With: death benefits, Social Security, widow's benefits

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