OH those first tomatoes; the kind, we eat out of hand (from our own garden, if we are lucky, a tomato eaten as one would a piece of fruit, parting that hairy aromatic foliage to find that first globe, still-sunwarmed). These are the tomatoes we wait all year for; even after we tire of them plain, […]
MOTHERLESS MOTHER’S DAY: GROWING SELF-COMPASSION
MOTHER’S DAY, IN ITS INSISTENCE ON SENTIMENT, BIOLOGY, AND CONSUMERISM, HAS ALWAYS DIMINISHED MOTHERING. FOR MOTHERING HAS ALWAYS BEEN MUCH BIGGER THAN MOTHERHOOD. AND IT TRANSCENDS REPRODUCTION. EVEN GENDER. Being a mother, and having a mother, even when it works beautifully, even in times of general robust public health and political stability, is never as […]
YOU’RE INVITED: A NEW YEARS DAY PARTY PLAN B (AS IN BLACK-EYED PEAS)
In the years since I have been an adult, I have hosted a New Year’s Day open house, in the late afternoon on the first day of the new year, probably once every three or four years. What I served at the first one, back when I was nineteen and had just moved to the […]
BLOSSOMING, NO MATTER WHAT: A CHRISTMAS (CACTUS) STORY
SOMETHING, SOMEWHERE, IS BLOOMING. NOW. IT MAY NOT BE THE PLANT YOU WANTED OR EXPECTED. ITS TIMING MAY BE OFF, OR ODD, OR MYSTERIOUS. BUT BEFORE YOU GIVE OVER TO DESPAIR, — EASY, IN THESE DIFFICULT AND UNENDINGLY STRESSFUL TIMES — LOOK FOR THE BUD, THE BLOSSOM. IF IT CAN FLOWER IMPROBABLY, SO CAN YOU. […]
MY FABULOUS GREEN TOMATO (MEATLESS) MINCEMEAT
MAKE IT NOW, WHILE THE FARMER’S MARKET (OR YOUR OWN GARDEN) IS PROBABLY OVERFLOWING WITH GREEN TOMATOES. ENJOY IT ALL YEAR LONG — STARTING BUT BY NO MEANS ENDING WITH THANKSGIVING. A sweet-savory-spicy combination of fresh and dried fruits and vegetables into a dark, mysterious, delectable conserve. Perfect for pies, but you won't stop there! […]
WHY YOU CAN’T “HEAL” WIDOWHOOD GRIEF
WHAT TO DO WHEN THE REGULAR PARADIGMS DON’T WORK Most of us, before widowhood was thrust upon us, gave little thought to what that state would actually be like. And when and if we did try to conceive of it, most of us got it wrong. ” … In the version of grief we imagine […]
FIFTY SHADES OF GRIEF, IN OCTOBER
HALLOWEEN. IF YOU’VE LOST SOMEONE TO SUICIDE OR VIOLENCE, THIS TIME OF YEAR YOU CAN EXPECT TRIGGERS EVERYWHERE. WIDOWHOOD IS NOT STATIC. IT KEEPS CHANGING, AND IT KEEPS CHANGING US. LIKE THE LEAVES IN FALL (A TIME WHEN GRIEF, ITSELF ZOMBIE-LIKE, RE-EMERGES FOR MANY), WIDOWHOOD HAS AN INFINITE NUMBER OF COLORS. HERE ARE FIFTY OF […]
COMFORT ME WITH APPLES… BUT MAKE THEM *BAKED* APPLES, PLEASE.
THEY COULDN’T LOOK MORE UNPREPOSSESSING. AND THEY COULDN’T BE EASIER. AND THEY COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE MORE DELICIOUS, OR MORE PERFECT FOR THIS TIME OF YEAR. MEET MY MOTHER’S BAKED APPLES. AND, IF YOU HAVE SOMEONE AT YOUR THANKSGIVING TABLE WHO IS GLUTEN- OR GRAIN-FREE, OR AVOIDING ADDED SUGAR, OR VEGAN, BUT YOU STILL WANT […]
A “SUICIDE-WIDOW” CONSIDERS THE UNTHINKABLE, ON A STRIPED COUCH
September is National Suicide Prevention Month. It is also the birthday month of the late David Koff, with whom I lived for almost a decade, and who ended his own life. I wrote this exploration of the collateral damage of suicide, six years ago, three years after David’s death. In 2014, I had a new […]
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